So as some of you may or may not know I am a zombie fan. The genera interests me and so does writing my own creative story's.so I started to mix the two and after about twenty minutes of typing I came up with the below excerpt. I was working on a ODST fan fiction story but my flash drive ****ed up and I lost all of my stuff on it so I decided to start a new story because I did not feel like rewriting so much of my ODST fanfic. So as I progress into this story I will post updates into this thread. Hope you enjoy! DISCLAIMER: before you read some people may find content in this fanfiction distasteful.there may be profanity and gore. Lightning flashed in clouds as Benjamin Fallows sat on the beach. If there was any thunder it could not be heard over the roaring waves. Dusk was setting and a low fire was built. Low. Unnoticeable. The evening had past and the sun had gone to rest, but Ben knew better. He could not rest. Not until the others arived. Ben let out a soft moan as he cleaned a deep wound in his forearm. Blood flowed freely shimmering darkly in the soft light from the fire.in front of him were several bandages and some other medicines to keep the wound from getting infected. If that were to happen he could be dead in a matter of days. Benjamin was a fairly tall man with short brown hair and heavy eyes that suggested he had not slept in weeks.his skin was coated in a layer of grime from his time out of civilization. There was a rustle in the bushes behind him and Ben jerked his head around and quickly drew his knife in one swift motion. He had to be ready for them. Always on guard. A voice came from the bush and Ben lowered his knife. He knew they could not talk. Besides, he knew the voice. "Ben, are you still here?" the voice cried out. Ben replied to the voice in a gruff voice that was hoarse from not being used much. "none of us will be if you keep yelling like that,Jeremy!" Jeremy Stevens stepped from the brush with his own knife in his hand. Ben stood and walked from the fire towards the man.he hugged him roughly and laughed. At last! A companion! Ben had left a note on Jeremy's bed a month ago telling him to meet him with his family on this spot. He had been alone ever since."where is jewel? And the kids?" "I went a little ahead to make sure you were here they will becoming in a-" Another rustle in the bush. "speaking of the devil" Someone emerged from the brush. It was not jewel. The man was coated in blood and his neck was half gone.he shambled towards them. "JEWEL!" Jeremy set off at a full sprint towards the wood as he saw the dismembered man emerge. Ben was right behind him, but he stopped as the dead man shambled even closer. "Go on Jeremy. I will be right behind you!" he shouted into the brush that Jeremy had disappeared into. The zombie lunged at him hungering for his flesh, but Ben side-stepped and it went tumbling into the sand. As it struggle to get up Ben approached from behind and shoved his knife into the mans skull. Edit:my indenting dissapeared.i will edit it back in.
the first criticism that came to my mind: Show. Don't tell. " Benjamin was a fairly tall man with short brown hair and heavy eyes that suggested he had not slept in weeks." SHOW ME. dont simply tell me.
That should be enough to show you a few mistakes. I write as well (a few short stories all done, and development on a novel ongoing now for me), and these mistakes can be common when you just write what comes to mind. If you want a good story you need to either plan it all out and think about what you are saying (every word counts) or become better at writing on the fly- which only comes from practice and a large vocabulary. Good luck with your story, I love to see people write, so I hoped this helped.
Thank you very much! I do not plan on this being a novel or anything maybe something like medium sized though. I do have an overall plan of where it is going to go though. Have you posted any of your work here?
No, I have not posted any. I may one day, but I just haven't so far. With the novel I am working on (I only call it novel because I assume it will end up being that long so I could call it thusly) I am getting more controlled groups of opinion, then maybe when I am completely happy with the first section, I have just begun chapter two and have several pages dedicated to the prologue and chapter one, I may post it here for others to read. We will see I suppose.