Poem

Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by Juggernaut, Aug 8, 2009.

  1. Juggernaut

    Juggernaut Ancient
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    Poem and Haiku

    You're Beautiful

    You're beautiful like the crescent moon in a dark sky full of stars.
    You're beautiful like a warm summer day with the bright summer sun.
    You're beautiful like a bridging cityscape in the distant horizon.
    You're beautiful like a sunset over the ocean while sitting on the beach.
    You're beautiful like the blond hair, blue eyed girl I know.

    Thought about it last night, decided to write it down. It's about a girl I know and yes, she's blond and has blue eyes. =3

    Haiku upon request.

    Beautiful sweetheart
    With blond hair and sweet blue eyes
    Her smile I gaze
     
    #1 Juggernaut, Aug 8, 2009
    Last edited: Aug 10, 2009
  2. loshon

    loshon Ancient
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    Now do a Haiku.

    It's pretty good.
     
  3. Knight Kninja

    Knight Kninja Ancient
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    [​IMG]

    never liked a girl with blonde hair/blue eyes.. but still its a good poem, very beautiful. i was thinking about writing a song about a special girl in my life.. maybe il post it soon.

    oh and way to go on bringing some variation in
     
  4. Juggernaut

    Juggernaut Ancient
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    Beautiful sweetheart
    With blond hair and sweet blue eyes
    Her smile I gaze

    I believe that's the five-seven-five Haiku. Correct me if I'm wrong. Btw, that took a minute or two to figure out.
     
    #4 Juggernaut, Aug 8, 2009
    Last edited: Aug 10, 2009
  5. kiLzeD

    kiLzeD Ancient
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    nice thats 4-7-5 though beautiful is byoo-ti-ful
    good for not much time put into it
     
  6. Juggernaut

    Juggernaut Ancient
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    Yeah and girl is gir-el. That's five.
     
  7. loshon

    loshon Ancient
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    Girl is totally girl, but it's debatable. Think about it, do you say "girl" or "gi-rel" like "pizz-a".
     
  8. MLG

    MLG Ancient
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    Better not be about me, lol
     
  9. Norlinsky

    Norlinsky Guest

    Juggernaut, your words
    describe intense emotions
    but I have my doubts.

    XD
     
  10. Knight Kninja

    Knight Kninja Ancient
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  11. loshon

    loshon Ancient
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    The text of truth has spoken:

    Hencforth, the word "GIRL" will be used in Haiku with one syllable.
     
  12. Knight Kninja

    Knight Kninja Ancient
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    but... in a poem you can alter the syllables in words to suit your liking, so that can be done.
     
  13. Norlinsky

    Norlinsky Guest

    How would girl be two syllables? Guh-url? Gur-url? You'd have to repeat the same sounds.
     
  14. Juggernaut

    Juggernaut Ancient
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    Sweetheart, is that better than girl?
     
  15. Lone Deity

    Lone Deity Ancient
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    I thought you were married?
     
  16. aMoeba

    aMoeba Ancient
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    I'm not about to say its amazingly epic or anything but this line is quite repetitive when you say "beautiful" twice. I would suggest another term..
     
  17. Juggernaut

    Juggernaut Ancient
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    I fixed that a while ago. I was half asleep when I wrote that line. Lol.
     

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