EDIT: She broke up with me this morning =( But go ahead and read it still, even though it was a waste My Girlfriend's 17th Birthday is in 2 weeks and I wrote a poem. I call it "The Rose Among Weeds" There was a group of weeds Raised from the ugliest seeds They were all the same, ugly and mean All around the age of Seventeen A group that was self-centered and cruel But they were all just a bunch of fools Not all hope was lost, there was still a chance One among the ugly of green and expanse There it stood, one beautiful Rose Perfect from it's head down to it's toes This Rose caught the eye of one boy The simple glimpse of it's beauty put his heart into joy But this wasn't a Rose, rather a girl Her smile resembled the beauty of a pearl. They became friends and sat with each other at lunch Little did she know, he loved her so much She was a Rose among the weeds I know she is smiling as she reads I love you Ashley, Happy Birthday I will NEVER go away So, how does it sound?
After reading that, I wish I was your girlfriend... pfft yeah right. Nice poem dude, I'm sure she'd like it. You should probably post this in GnA, that place needs some revitalizing.
Yeah, this should move on down to GnA, we need more poetry and non-visual arts in there. pretty good rhyming you got going too, just remember you don't have to rhyme for it to be poetry.
That's what was thinking, lol. This line seems kinda creeperish, unless, she's into that kinda thing. Also, I'd recommend using other words than just "beauty/beautiful". It seems like you repeat this word too much. The poem is good though, just consider my comments..
She'll love it, no doubt about that. If you want to be super awesome, though, you'll create a sonnet. Bitches love sonnets.
Yea the NEVER part does seem creeperish now that I think about it, but she's told me that we will be together FOREVER, so she shouldn't be creeped out by it lol. And yea I noticed that I used Beauty a lot too damnit. Oh well, I'm sure she won't even notice...
Oh, it's already been sent off? Lol It's not bad at all, just some things you could have improved on before you gave it to her...she won't notice.
lul wonder if she broke up with him over the last verse or the idea of receiving a poem in the 21st century.
Poor guy I wrote a poem for my ex once, we were breaking up at the time so yeah, tried to do something sentimental for a change. As she's only 17, I'm guessing you're pretty young too... honestly enough, don't waste your time on chicks with sentimental things unless you legitimately have a life plan and don't intend to exclude a chick from it. Otherwise, it's all worthless and you lose your street cred (Y)
Yea she didn't break up with me over the poem, she didn't even see it, she had to "Find herself" Even though she had a new bf not even 2 weeks after breaking up. A whole **** ton of drama went on too, it's stupid. **** Bitches Get Money