Battle: Betrayal

The blue spartan from the beginning is s hard to hear.
and the music is incredibly over powering. voice acting can do an improvement.
Video game actions was kind of sad..
Way too loud for the fight scene.
Hornet scene was so corny with obvious audio volume drop.
Yeah i can hardly hear their voices and the music just spikes again.
Didnt even fade in..and the ending was so trash.
I think your capture skills are good.
But you got it all wrong.

 

The main thing that needs working on is voice acting. Admittedly, it's a bit hard to begin with but below-average voice acting can really ruin a machinima and is one of the first things someone watching it will pick up on (besides if it was clearly recorded with a video camera from a tv, or there's the time line from theatre, or something retarded which thankfully you had none of ). Seriously though, I cannot express how important voice acting is, and the only thing that will improve it is practice. The last thing you want is to sound wooden giving the impression that you're reading from a script which completely detracts from the machinima as the characters are meant to be speaking spontaneously. My best bit of advice would be to redo any line which doesn't feel right, again and again, until it sounds good. Reading through all your lines several times beforehand (even if it's just in your head) can also help you get a sense of what emotions you want to display through each line and how you say what you need to say to express them. This will obviously take up more time and will be a bit of a pain but believe me, it'll be worth it in the end.

Moving on, although I love the music choice, Immediate music is ridiculously epic, you're not allowed to use other artists' music in your work, unless the person who made it gives consent. I realise that I'm coming off as a killjoy goody-goody but it's the truth and it sucks. If you want your machinimas to gain popularity on sites (especially youtube which cracks down hard on unauthorised music use) you're going to need to either use royalty free music or get someone to make you some in Cubase or something. Also, I thought that the transition between each song was a bit too sharp and a fade effect would have been easier on the ears as the songs flowed into one another. As I've already mentionned, also don't keep the music volume levels so high that they drown out speech.

In general the camera angles were good, however I felt that you could have mixed it up at the beginning with a few different shots when they were talking to one another. A shot with both of them in, or a close-up of one would have been a nice change from the two alternating clips.

Now this may sound like I'm completely bashing your machinima, and I don't want to give that impression. Just giving a few suggestions on how you could improve cetain things. Overall it was pretty good; and although the hornet scene was a bit cheesy I have never seen that in a machinima and don't think I've ever seen a machinima involving vehicles on construct either! If you just take away and work on one thing from this huge wall of text I'd strongly recommend it'd be the voice acting bit. Best of luck with your future projects!