I wrote this for a girl who lives very far away, and was feeling empty and alone. (Note that some lyrics would be repeated and some would also be screamed, so if it looks like it would sound awkward, that's why) Do you know that one feeling When everything closes in And you are locked inside She does Like a whisper in the wind She waits for you to hear Will you listen? I feel like forgetting everything Stopping right where I am And just breathing slowly I apologize for the interruption. I dare say she apologizes for her lack of reception Today just isn't the day But when will tommorrow come? She's fallen in love with a disease She's fallen in love with a disaster But now she is standing alone in the doorway I stand on the other side waiting Open your ears and seal your fate Let's all do this together Just keep falling and I will fall with you. Fall with you forever. Too many cliche's and the word "I" I think
I had a nice rhythm going (with no screaming mind you that is absolutely unnecessary and really just creates unintelligible noise) until it ended abruptly. Perhaps you could find better sentences to remove the repetitive use of "she" and "I" as it is kind of bleh, but I could kind of get a good feel for it if I sang it in an alternative rock format. Seriously, screaming makes the least amount to no sense. Don't use it.
I actually quite like the lyrics. I could see it being in a Fall of Troy style. You play any instruments?
Thats actually pretty cool, with some nice transitions from screaming and singing it could be a really awesome song!
That's your opinion. No need to comment about it's intelligence or amount of sense it makes.. Screaming makes a very nice effect IMO, and requires skill to do. Anyway, I like the lyrics..even though like you said, I is repeated quite alot aha, but oh well, still good.