A Poem

Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by Juggernaut, May 18, 2009.

  1. Juggernaut

    Juggernaut Ancient
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    Cherry Tree

    When it's planted it makes me feel needed.
    When it's growing it makes me feel proud.
    When it's blooming it makes me smile.
    When the pedals fall and all the colors show,
    I'll have known that I was there to take care if it.
    To show it care,
    To show it love,
    To show it happiness
    And when the Winter comes and the pedals are gone
    I'll know that I have done my job to show it the world.
    And when she's finally grown, I'll be old and happy.
    __________________________________________________

    It's a poem I wrote last night. It's my first one and I don't know how to even form a poem exactly, but I gave it a try. What do you think?
     
  2. Frag Man

    Frag Man Ancient
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    First of all, I must congradulate you on your bravery. Usually, no one posts poems.

    Poems generally follow a pattern unless you're advanced in them. So basically, you have two poems in there. However, the lyrics gave me a warm feeling. It makes me hate George Washington more and more.
     
  3. Icecikle

    Icecikle Ancient
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    Well, this one follows only two rhyme/general schemes so what you could do is change it from this:(With A B and C representing the schemes)

    A
    A
    A
    B
    B
    B
    C
    C

    to something more like

    A
    A
    A
    B
    B
    B
    A
    A

    or just reincorporate the first scheme into the last lines of the poem.
     
  4. Frag Man

    Frag Man Ancient
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    Good point, but his poem seems to flow like this.

    A
    A
    A
    A
    B
    C
    C
    C
    B
    B
    B
     
  5. Juggernaut

    Juggernaut Ancient
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    Yeah, I'm not worried about how it is formed to be honest. I just wanted to know if people understood the point of this poem.
     
  6. Frag Man

    Frag Man Ancient
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    Point made. Great job then.
     
  7. Juggernaut

    Juggernaut Ancient
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    Thank you.
     
  8. HellsRequiemAMX

    HellsRequiemAMX Ancient
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