Well I just watched A Colbert Christmas for the third time ( I love DVR!) and I decided to post the songs sung on there, on here, in order, with lyrics! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zvvd53aWLy4 Spoiler Ho! It’s another Christmas song Whoa! Get ready brother for another Christmas song They play for a month, Ad infinitum (Latin phrase – meaning continuously without end) One day it struck me someone must write ‘em So! It’s another Christmas song Santa clause singing on naughty snow Reindeer ringing in the mistletoe The manger’s on fire, The holly’s a-glow Hear the baby Jesus cryin’ ho ho ho Hey! It’s another Christmas song Yay! Another oft’ returning (often returning) Royalty earning Christmas song I’ve got plenty more so go buy a modem Log on to iTunes and pay to download ‘em Pay! For another Christmas song Chestnuts glisten on a silent night Sleigh-bells kissing by candle light The tree is frozen, the winter’s bright Who’d have thought the wise men look so white You! Don’t you wanna sing along? To! My humble yule tide Dreamed up pool side Christmas song Make it a part of your holiday canon Make it the heart of my retirement plan and Do! Sing another Christmas song BEAT IT INTO ‘EM FELLAS! WATCH MY FEET FLY! But wait! Who’s this? Young ones starving on a dead-end street Taped up tabloids on their frost-bit feet Hear what they carol as they huddle for heat [All children:] Please help the “Colbert Children” eat Whoa! Just another Christmas song No! This is like no other Christmas-mother-lovin’-song Public to whom I'm so proud to have pandered Please save my family and make this a standard Go! Join the ever-growing throng Who are singing And swingin’ While my kids are clinging to the hope My register’s ching-ching chinging from the cash I’m bringing From another Christmas song Copyright - Stephen Colbert http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SgF6LoKMdcs Spoiler I can't believe what christmas has come to today All these atheists and judges trying to take it away No carols in our public schools, no trees in city hall And they wish you season's greetings at the shopping mall Ain't you sick of it all? Well, there's a war on christmas, it's under attack But this year america's taking it back Separate church and state, that's what some lawyer said I say it's time we separated him from his head You can call me un-christian but that's not true 'cause have i got a present for you It's the though that counts Christmas is as american as apple pie It's a late december version of the fourth of july And they may go by a different name But uncle sam and santa claus are one and the same So boys take aim Well, there's a war on christmas, it's under attack But this year america's taking it back Separate church and state, that's what some liberal said I say it's time we separated him from his head You can call me un-christian but that's not true Buddy i got a present for you I hope it's the right size Oh say can you see this christmas Baby jesus 'tis of thee I'm placing 50 shining stars atop The statue of liber-tree Then i'll go and jingle the liberty bell Post old glory with an elf And if you say i can't deck my halls Then i'll deck you myself Well, there's a war on christmas it's under attack Hey, this year old saint nicholas is taking it back He's firing guns from his reindeer, dropping bombs from his sled This year if you were naughty, you're as good as dead He wears red and white, and you can throw in blue And has he got a present for you And st. toby has got one too Yeah, we got a present for you As in the aclu Easy rudolph, down boy http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DNX_I-sxFYI Spoiler Willie: i have no money in my coffer No gold or silver do i bring Nor have i precious jewels to offer To celebrate the new born king Yet do not spurn my gift completely Oh ye three wise men please demur Behold a plant that smokes more sweetly Than either frankincense or myrrh And like the child born in this manger This herb is mild yet it is strong And it brings peace to friend and stranger Good will to men lies in this bong Willie: and now my wonder weed is flaring Stephen: are you high? Willie: looked like that special star above Stephen: can it be? Willie: pass it around in endless sharing Stephen: on christmas day Willie: and let not mankind bogart love Stephen: you'd smoke my tree Willie: and the wise men started toking And ye the bud was kind It was salvation they were smoking And it's forgiveness blew their mind Willie: and still that wonder weed is flaring Stephen: are you high? Willie: looked like that was once above Stephen: you're so high Willie: pass it around in endless sharing Stephen: dude, man, dude Willie: and let not mankind bogart love Stephen: you're really high, i'm going to tell your savior Willie: and let not mankind bogart love http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-_MYuWfCiwk Spoiler Jon: Can I interest you in Hannukah? Maybe something in a Festival of Lights It's a sensible alternative to Christmas And it lasts for seven -for you - eight nights. Stephen: Hanukkah huh? I've never really thought about it. Jon: Well, you could do worse. Stephen: Is it merry? Jon: It's kind of merry Stephen: Is it cheery? Jon: It's got some cheer Stephen: Is it jolly? Jon: Look, I wouldn't know from jolly. But it's not my least unfavorite time of year. Stephen: When's it start? Jon: The 25th Stephen: Of December? Jon: Kislev Stephen: When is when exactly? Jon: I will check Stephen: Are there presents? Jon: Yes, indeed 8 days of presents Which means one nice one, then a week of dreck. Stephen: Does Hanukkah commemorate events profound and holy? A king who came to save the world? Jon: No, oil that burned quite slowly Stephen: Well, it sounds fantastic! Jon: There's more Jon: We have latkes Stephen: What are they? Jon: Potato pancakes. We have dreidels Stephen: What are they? Jon: Wooden tops. We have candles Stephen: What are they? Jon: THEY ARE CANDLES! And when we light them, oh the fun it never stops. What do you say, Stephen, do you want to give Hanukkah a try? Stephen: I'm trying see me as a Jew I'm trying even harder But I believe in Jesus Christ So it's a real non-starter Jon: I can't interest you in Hanukkah? Just a little bit? Stephen: No thanks I'll pass. I'll keep Jesus, you keep your potato pancakes. But I hope that you enjoy 'em on behalf of all of the goyim. Jon: Be sure to tell the Pontiff, my people say Good Yontif. Stephen: That's exactly what I'll do Both: Happy holidays, you Jon: too! Stephen: Jew! Jon: Too? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1G9NyoZmA2Q Spoiler John: Nutmeg, Sweet sweet Nutmeg On the 25th I'm cover you with My nutmeg, Ooh, my sweet brown nutmeg Girl, don't make me beg I want to nog your egg, yes I do Girl, I'm going to rock you like a cradle You lick the nutmeg off my ladle It's pure, it's refined And it's ready to grind It's my nutmeg, you need my nutmeg I'll sprinkle your Christmas cream with my spice supreme Stephen: What about allspice? John: You know it leaves me cold as ice Stephen: Cinnamon? John: Don't even think of putting that stuff in Stephen: Cardamom? John: That won't let me drop my love bomb No cocoa, no cloves, no vanilla, no mace The only residue I want you wiping off your face is my nutmeg Ooh, ooh, ooh, Nutmeg You'll be happy that you ate it, yes you will So grab my seed and grate it net It's my nutmeg [it's his nutmeg], my nutmeg [his sweet nutmeg] Na na na na na na na, nutmeg, ooh my nutmeg http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LYlTfxam9cc Spoiler Angels soaring through the air As they did in Bethlehem Angels answer every prayer Once they get around to them Please be patient, an angel will be with thee shortly Due to increased prayer amounts Seraphim will have delays Servicing thy prayer accounts For the next five million days Please be patient, an angel will be with thee shortly Please continue thee to hold All thy ills will be relieved Every human grief consoled In the order' twas received Please be patient, an authorized prayer technician will be with thee shortly Or to save thee time, wait for the chime http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tcC1KmR6s2w Spoiler Stephen: As I walk through This wicked world Searching for light in the darkness of insanity I ask myself Is all hope lost? Is there only pain and hatred, and misery? ohhhh Bear (Elvis Costello): And each time I feel like this inside There's one thing I wanna know Stephen and Bear (Elvis Costello): What's so funny bout peace love & understanding? What's so funny bout peace love & understanding? Toby: And as I walked on Through troubled times Feist: My spirit gets so downhearted sometimes Willie: So where are the strong John: And who are the trusted? Bear (Elvis Costello): And where is the harmony? Sweet harmony. ALL: 'Cause each time I feel it slipping away, just makes me wanna cry. What's so funny 'bout peace love and understanding? ohhhh What's so funny 'bout peace love and understanding? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zYA3tYhXPUg Spoiler Elvis: There are cynics, there are skeptics There are legions of dispassionate dyspeptics Who regard this time of year as a maudlin insincere Cheezy crass commercial travesty of all that we hold dear Stephen: When they think that Well, I can hear it But I pity them their lack of Christmas spirit For in a world like ours, take it from Stephen There are much worse things to believe in. Elvis: A redeemer and a savior, an obese man giving toys for good behavior Stephen: The faith in what might be and the hope that we might see The answer to all sorrow in a box beneath the tree Find them foolish Elvis: Sentimental Stephen: Well you're clearly none too bright Both: so we'll be gentle Stephen: Don't even try to start vaguely conceiving Both: Of all much worse things to believe in Stephen: Believe in the judgment, believe in Jihad Believe in a thousand variations on a dark and spiteful god Elvis: You've got your money, you've got your power You've got your science, and all the planets going to end within the hour Stephen: You've got your dreams that don't come true Elvis: You've got the ones that do Stephen: Then you've got your nothing Both: Some folks believe in nothing But if you believe in nothing Then what's to keep the nothing from coming for you Stephen: Merry Christmas, Happy New Year Now if you'll forgive me there's a lot to do here There are stockings still unhung Colored lights I haven't strung Elvis: And a one-man four-part Christmas carol waiting to be sung Stephen: Call me silly, call me sappy Call me many things, the first of which is happy You doubt, but you're sad I don't, but I'm glad Both: I guess we're even Stephen: At least that's what I believe in Both: And there are much worse things
Yeah I watched all of these in the original show, they are all hilarious. I think the last one is my favorite. Guys commenting after me, Do you the Colbert Repor, or The Daily Show??
This came out a bit late. But thnx nonetheless. Very funny comedic stuff. I like the please hold song the best. Also when Stewart comes in.