I like the style of smudging, but your messing up the text and the focal. The chief's head doesnt look normal on account you chalk smudged it. Also, did you make the light source in the left corner, or was it there?
First of all, I'm not a big fan of the stock/render, but more importantly I don't like the style really. The focal is really messed up because of the smudging, and it doesn't look right. The text is... not great, but passable I suppose. Overall it's really bland though. Try making sigs a bit more chaotic and focus on flow. example: one of my fave sigs
I like the colors but i would have left a little more of master cheif. Also move "Imagine" up and to the right a little bit but thats just me...