This definitely has potential, but their are some things that need fixing up/clarification. First and foremost, I fear that there is a misconception of the word "conspiracy" here. You said that these 'bad guys' began to conspire, because they were not allowed to go home. At least, that is what I gathered. Now, conspiracy is like "the U.S. blew up the Twin Towers" type of stuff, basically lies. But what this seems more like is "corruption". These 'bad guys' became corrupt, because they became mentally unstable due to the fact that they were not allowed back home. Then again, I could be wrong, but some clarification on this is needed. Second, you need to fix your export settings. Your video doesn't come close to filling up the youtube window, so I fear that you are exporting your files with the wrong dimensions. What is your current publish settings? Now here is where I got into how to make it better. First, make this widescreen. For a machinima, you gotta look at it like a movie, and adding 16:9 bars will help boost the professionalism to your piece, even if they are fake. This will also help your framing. Second, you should consider dubbing in your own sound. It takes alot of work, I know. I simple 6 second warthog scene took me a whole day to do all the cuts, edits, and dubbing, but it truly pays off. For your sounds, try sounddogs.com. Even though they say that their sounds cost money, all you have to do is preview the quick time, then go to File > Save Page As, and save it where you can find it, or click the drop down arrow on the actual quicktime bar, and click "Save as Source". Yep, free sounds. Now, if you are using a program that doesn't allow alot of audio mixing, get Audacity. It's free, and gets the job done, not to mention it is easy to learn. Now, obvious uses for sound in this video would be the Tank. Sure, the in game audio isn't bad, but dub in your own and it will be so much better. Another use is when the bridge falls down and "crashes" into the camera. This bugged me, because you cut to black with no audio transition. Right when it cuts to black like that, as in something "crashing" into the camera, you should add a crashing sound of some shorts. Really smooths out that cut, and really increases the impact. Lastly, I like what you were trying to go for with the narration, but the distortion should be turned down a bit. Typically, narrations don't have that "radio" quality to them, and while it is fine to create that sense, it shouldn't be masking the actual voice, because you can't really distinguish the voice acting involved. So ya, definately has potential, look forward to what comes next.
This looks very well-made... Nice camera work especially. Are you going to make a series/movie out of this? I'm looking forward to seeing some more of your work.