Divorce (Opinions Appreciated)

Do you love her? Because if you do then you got to try whatever you can to make it work.

 

My suggestion would be to see a marriage counselor, either together or by yourself. The root of your problem may not be with your wife or being married. I'm not saying that you're the problem either, what I'm suggesting is that there are issues that you still need to work on to grow into adulthood properly. Whether it's something you should work with your wife on or by yourself is something that you should decide, but there is absolutely no shame in getting help from an outside, impartial source. IMO, it would be more dishonorable to just ditch a marriage because you're having a bad time of it.

I've been married for close to four years now, and it's not always sunshine and Halo 3. It's work, but it's worth every minute of aggravation to be able to come home to the woman I love every day. Best of luck to you, sir.

 

Well, I'm 14 so I don't know much of anything about this, but it seems a little soon. A divorce after 5 months is a celebrity thing. I say give it a chance, but if anything else happens, then I don't know.

 

Wow...that's pretty tough. If I was on that position (I'm lucky I'm not) I'm not sure what to do...if I divorced someone I love I'm not sure I'd be able to live with myself...I take it you've ruled out bank loans or borrowing from friends?

 

idk anything about this, but sure it's not a phase or something? I mean like I guess a divorce before you have a kid is good if you can't handle it (unless she's pregnent), but you definately don't want to make a hasty decision on something like this....

 

Moved to general chat.

 

One of the main things that happen in a committed, long-term relationship is the change in what one's perception of 'love' is. Ever heard of the term "the honeymoon is over"? It's all great in the beginning, with the kissing and the fondling and the humping. Then reality and responsibility comes barreling in and sprays you down with a hose; it sucks.

Marriage is really a partnership, and it's a tough balance to keep up with the fun stuff when you're being *****-slapped with adulthood. I can tell you that that particular bit never goes away.

Of course, there are legitimate cases where love in all forms leaves a relationship and it's time to move on. I believe this and obviously can't say for sure one way or another how it is in your case. It's one of the reasons I suggested counseling because you'll be able to tell him/her lots of more details be able to get back a more educated opinion of what your options are.

 

And you shouldn't. It's never a good idea to bottle up your emotions and keep them from your partner. That's a sure fire way to ruin everything you guys have invested in your relationship.

 

I just want to add that communication is one of the biggest things in any type of relationship. Boyfriend/girlfriend, engaged, and married.
I know from experience when life becomes stressful sometimes the feeling of love seems to vanish. The best way to keep love in and stress out is to talk to her about how you feel.
Another thing is to have at least an hour to yourself per day. Do something you like. Playing halo, whatever. I know having two jobs and dealing with your wife can be very time consuming, but you need to keep yourself happy.

 

Now might be the time

If you're convinced, and it sounds like you are, that you are not ready for the stresses related to a marriage, this may be the time for a divorce. Because of the short amount of time you've been married you may even be eligible for an annulment. Squidhands explained the partnership aspect of marriage very well. The shared pressures of marriage are only going to grow as you take on more shared possessions and even children. Coming from a divorced family myself, I can tell you that the affect divorce can have on children is life changing. It might be best to both establish yourselves emotionally and financially before trying to be a married couple.

However, if you feel like the only issue that is driving a wedge in the marriage is related to finances, that is something you can overcome. Most of the couples in America are feeling financial stresses in one way or another right now. If you know in your heart that splitting up is inevitable, just make sure you end it before you have children.

Summary:
If money is your only source of friction, stick it out. If there are a huge number of other issues that you do not see the two of you being able to work through, it's time to end it.

 

This all depends on how strong your love is for her, Im 15 I dont know much about this but I would see a marage counseler before splitting up.
Honestly I wouldnt split up because its always good to have someone there by your side

 

Well whatever you do, definately make sure you talk to her about it how you're feeling and try to work through it all together.

There will probably always be the stress of bills and jobs and stuff, it's something everyone has to deal with.

Best of luck for you two, I hope it all works out.

 

Well, although I'm 15, I highly suggest you think through this long and hard. Both my parents have divorced twice, and my mother and father got married just because of the bing-bang-boom when they had me....I hate it.

Well, my whole life pretty much has been my mother's maliciousness (see HERE (its all true BTW, every goddamn bulletpoint)), and my father trying to pull me away to safety. Actually, I'm probably going to be moving to New York this December, but thats another story.....

As squidhands said, its not all about physical and strong emotional love, yet also the other variations. I suggest you listen to this RadioLab, run by WNYC, NPR, about "Your Brain on Love." The mp3 link is HERE. They basically tell you about different "chemicals" behind what is actually going on. I personally believe you are in the transition faze between one and the other.
Last time I talked with you, you were really happy, or at least acting it, with your marriage. You spoke of how you and your wife did this and that, and I kind of envied you. I never had a "normal" relationship, so to speak. Everything was always twisted somehow, and it was just bad....still is matter of fact....
Like squidhands said, I hope you see a marriage counselor, I truly do. The basic fact is this: do your best to save that marriage. Like you said, with all the problems that have been going on between you two, you have lost your love for her.That's the problem! You have surely not lost it, just hid it away. Now you have let's say, "forgotten" where it is. All acts to repair that are "finding" it again.

So however you may feel now, don't do anything sudden. Try not to argue, so that neither one of you says, "I'm leaving." That's in my opinion completely immature, of both of you if done. I hate my mother (not hate her, but her action) for calling the police to get my father out, after he supposedly beat her, when I know for a fact he didn't. She wanted him out and did it the inhumane way. She lived for it actually.....
Sorry for getting off topic; this is for your marriage, not my personal problems.

Basically let me wrap this up: I know from the third side, I've seen both happen, as I have been pulled inbetween much. Repairing your marriage is at least worth a strong push. But both of you should listen to that RadioLab I provided....I got slightly more how my grandparents (of my friends don't let me forget to mention...my whole family is f*cked up....) stay together to this day...

 

The best solution would be to split up until you are at the appropriate age where you think you can handle sharing your life with a beloved. Not divorce, but stay separate for awhile. If she still loves you, she'll wait a couple of years for you. I suggest you wait at least two more years before you decide to reunite. It's probably too difficult at the age of nineteen, where as most people just got into, or are already in, college. Try to lower the stress level as much as you can.

Bottom line. Just keep your distance from her for about two years. Reunite with her then, or marry someone else.

When you have waited those couple of years, then you can decide of a divorce.

 

Now is crunch time....I hope all goes well for you two!
@ guy who suggested crap
How the hell would being separated for two years help a 19 y/o?
Its like telling...im not even going to say it mg: