My Official Secret Attempt At Obtaining Recon! (BUNGIE, DON'T GO HERE.)

Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by Ryan. K., Sep 4, 2008.

  1. Ryan. K.

    Ryan. K. Ancient
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    My Little Short Story.

    Lol now serious. Well, I've been busy making this, I've been making this from about 2 days ago and I'm still working on it.
    I have a few other ideas which I'm going to make after this one.
    It's not a good story, but I don't have ANY experience at making storys, and I'm young,and Dutch by the way, my mom was impressed....

    EDIT: Anyone who is going to post a 'kill yourself' comment just GTFO and STFU please...
    CHAPTER 1, INTRO.

    “The Storm”


    It was a cold gray day at the camp of the four Spartans, and I was raining.
    ,,What is it with the bad weather today?” Screamed John roughly trough the wind.
    - ,,I can’t hear you!” Answered Kelly.
    The storm was almost reaching the camp while the Spartans were still busy making the Pelicans ready for takeoff to leave this dark and mysterious place…
    ,,It looks like the Flood is reaching us!” - Said Fred.
    ,,We are ready for takeoff,” reported the Commander of the squad.
    ,,Roger, I’m sending support groups, over.”
    ,,We need to get ready before they arrive our camp, quick load the Pelicans with fuel!”
    The mysterious storm was getting closer and it did not seem to change anything of it, still floating to the camp’s direction.
    ,,It’s coming closer!”
    The storm was getting an extreme speed and was reaching the camp quicker and quicker…
    ,,Linda! Get out of there! Get in the Pelican, now!”
    Linda quickly turned and rushed quickly to the Pelican.
    ,,The Flood!” - Kelly yelled.
    ,,Shoot them, shoot!”
    The battle started, it was a war, and it was a whole swarm of the Flood, including infected marines, Brutes, and Elites.
    ,,Fill the tank, quickly!” -,,I’m working on it!” Cassandra said.
    The flood swarm was getting closer and closer to the Pelican.
    ,,Go!” Now!” - ,,Okay I’m starting the engines,” the Flight Pilot said.
    The Pelican started to rise as the Flood had just reached it.
    ,,We need air support, now! Over.” ,,Roger, sending convoys…They should arrive in a minute.”
    Everyone was heavily out of breath, as the Flood swarm was containing thousands of them.
    The stress was hanging in the air; you could smell it, thought John.
    ,,So what’s going to happen now?” - ,,We’re waiting for the convoys arrive, until then; we need to go over to floating mode.
    The Pelican was starting to vibrate, then the Pelican started to shake, it was greatly out of control.
    ,,What is happening?” Asked Kelly. - ,,The convoys are arriving our Pelican, they’re going through a black hole with some state of the art hyper technologic ships, built to get some quick get away, and for transport.
    The black hole is therefore causing a lot of energy, and the energy must be released somewhere, so that causes a bang, the hole is approximately 543,23 kilometers from us away so we don’t blow up.
    The ships are fast enough to go through it in a few minutes so you should expect some more shaking in a minute.”
    ,,Hello Pelican 112B, we’re arriving your position, so take a deep breath and hold on tight!”
    ,,Roger, we’ll be set, over.”
    - ,,Everyone make sure your seatbelts are tight and locked, the convoys are arriving.
    The next moment there was a big bang, and suddenly a big black hole opened and the convoy came out, the hole was deep, and looked like a hart from a dark person.
    Suddenly, the ships came out, they were so rushing, the Pelican started going backwards because of the heavy wind the ships caused.
    Kelly, Fred, and John all fell down to the ground.
    ,,Wow, that’s some wind!” - Said Fred. -,,Yeah you can say that friend!” - Said John.
    When the ships arrived, it was already night, the Spartans thought it would be good to set up a camp, for the next day.
    A bang was heard, and suddenly everything was white for John, flashbacks from the augmentation and the training camp he needed to go through when he was a little kid, flashbacks of wars, his family…
    ,,John! John!” - Linda and Kelly screamed. ,,Are you okay?”
    -,,Ye-Yeah…” - John said with a weak voice. You need to go to a safe place, you’re heavily injured, your Armour is broken, and your shields are down.
    The Elite’s have bombard us, our camp is destroyed, and Fed is down too, we’re going to evac and we’ll need to get you to a special trained Spartan, ‘doctor’ -,,No. Leave me here; I’ll only slow you up.”
    ,,But Fred is heavily injured too, if we don’t go to a doctor… You’ll die!”
    ,,I…Can’t…Take me-…” - ,,John! Don’t leave me, wake up, fight it!”
    Kelly and Linda have taken John and Fred in the Pelican, they were just about to evac the rest, but suddenly they see two Phantoms, floating there mysteriously in the air.
    ,,They’re…Not doing anything…” - Kelly said.
    Then, just at the moment they stepped in, Hunters came out of the Phantoms, 6 of them.
    ,, Oh, no!” Get in quick!” -Linda said.
    John grabbed Kelly’s arm and she took him in…
    The Hunters started shooting, and had hit Fred, he just nearly survived the huge blast of the Hunter’s Fuel Rod gun.
    ,,I’m…Not going to make it…” - Fred said.
    ,,John putted his hand on his chest and said: ,,Yes…You are, going to make it.”
    They stepped in the Pelican and nearly touched the Hunter’s beam from the Fuel Rod gun.
    ,,This is Pelican 112B, we have wounded Spartans, repeat, we have wounded Spartans, over.” - Said the Pilot.
    ,,Roger, sending in Hospital ship, get ready, over.”
    The ships arrived, John, Kelly, Linda and Fred stepped in, Fred and John lying still, but shaking.
    Engines started making heavy noise, but for John, everything faded, everything was going black and suddenly, he lied completely still.
    He heard voices screaming his name, but he didn’t care, the only thing what matters now, was that he only wanted to sleep, only, just having an hour of sleep, was his last wish.

    CHAPTER 2. THE ARMORY BASE.

    I tried to stand up, but a glass stopped me. It was green-ish and full of mud and dirt.
    There were purple walls, covered by slime and some skin looking flesh.
    I heard footsteps, but not normal ones, they didn’t even sound good.
    The footsteps were heavy. I looked around one more time and then a spark came in my mind. I knew were I was. I was in a Flood ship. The footsteps were from a Flood species.
    I would’ve like to start scream and break the glass, but I knew that wasn’t me, I knew I couldn’t.
    The footsteps came closer, it felt like they were right in front of me, but they weren’t. It seemed like they were going on for an endless period of time, but it was just me. I thought.
    And then, they were in front of me. Hands, slibbery tried to lift me up, it didn’t work. I was still there, lying still. Then I heard a weird sound and something lifted me, my Armour was pushing so hard, that it blacked me out.
    When I woke up, a very bright light shined into my eyes. I closed them for a second and opened them again; I blinked and opened them fully.
    ,, John! Are you okay?” - , We need to leave him here, just for a few hours,” an unknown voice replied to the other. , We can’t leave him here, we have a war going on, the firepower is too heavy for us to hold, we need him.”
    ,, No. You’re not.” I said. - , Chief!” We need you over here, can you fight?” -,, Yeah.” I replied with a deep voice. I saw who were talking to me. It was Srgt. Johnson, and several other Marines.
    ,,What happened?” I asked. ,,You almost died in a heavy battle with a group of Elites and Grunts, you needed some heavy medical attention.” -,,What happened with Linda, Kelly and Fred?” -,,They’re on another mission .
    I raised up, grabbing Johnson’s arm, and picked up a weapon from the holders.
    ,,Were are we?” - ,, This is a Covenant armory base, we crashed, the area is unidentified and we already have a fight going on, three Marines are injured, and the fire status is heavy, you need to go in.”
    An Elite walked up behind Johnson. I pushed him aside, getting him dodged from the Energy Sword.
    I slammed the Elite on the nose, and grabbed the Elite’s Sword from him, and I stabbed him, several times.
    He died, I was aggressive, and it felt like I was very new to fighting, inexperienced.
    ,,Chief, thank you.” - Johnson said. ,,This is what I do.” - I replied.
    Johnson started walking to the temporary camp we’ve set up.
    ,,Chief! The Elite forces are regrouping, they’ve heard that you came and scared them off!” - A Marine said.
    Phantoms were flying over, going an other direction.
    ,,We need to identify the area and clear every place out before we can leave this place, we have five areas, they’re all over this total area and we need to go through everything.
    We started walking to the following area, we needed to go underground, I lighted my lights from my helmet, a huge spider cam out of a hole in the wall and jumped on my visor.
    I slammed it, and started looking around the whole room.
    ,,They’re all over here!” - A Marine said. ,,They’re on me! Get them off!”
    I ran to the Marine and I was starting slamming away all the spiders…
    It was too late; the spiders had bitten him several times in his neck, arms and legs…
    He died. -,, Stephen! No! Chief, he’s…He’s dead…” - Johnson said.
    ,,We can’t do anything else then let him stay here.” -,, I know that… - Johnson said with a sad voice.
    ,,Alright, let’s go then.” - I replied.
     
    #1 Ryan. K., Sep 4, 2008
    Last edited: Sep 6, 2008
  2. Titmar

    Titmar Le Mar du Teet
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    kill yourself
     
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  3. Ryan. K.

    Ryan. K. Ancient
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    Jesus christ please stfu...
     
  4. Norlinsky

    Norlinsky Guest

    Quoted for truth.
     
  5. Ryan. K.

    Ryan. K. Ancient
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    Omfg, Norlinksky too?! Nooooo!!!!
    My story r bad? ****.
     
  6. Randle Scandal

    Randle Scandal Ancient
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    Like seriously, if you are just making stories for Recon, you don't deserve it.

    People earn Recon by being good in the community, now if you had just made those for fun, in your free time or whatever, and not in some huge plot to get Recon than it would probably would be good.

    I feel like sending a message to Lukems with this link, so you can't get it.


    Your mom is not a good critic, is she really going to say it's bad?
     
  7. Ryan. K.

    Ryan. K. Ancient
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    It wasn't really a huge plot to get Recon, I just wanted to show mah love for Bungie. <3
     
  8. Willmatic

    Willmatic Ancient
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    Just so you can get recon.
     
  9. Ryan. K.

    Ryan. K. Ancient
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    I thought I'd get some feedback, but no, only Recon, Recon, and Recon...
    The title was a joke, sorry if it wasn't sarcastic enough...
    :'(
     
  10. I SeNTiNeL I

    I SeNTiNeL I Ancient
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    lol this thread really has backfired on you hasn't it.

    The story is ok though after reading it i kinda feel it would be better if you had more description. Builds up the whole atmosphere more. Its also going to require like 20,000 more words at least so i somehow doubt this is going to get you Recon for a while :p
     
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  11. V

    V Ancient
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    Ok, now was that really necessary? I mean, couldn't a simple "I think this story is horrible." worked a lot better? I know the whole widespread need that all little kids share to get recon is rather sad, but give the kid credit for going for something a litttle original.
    About the story, it's a cool idea, I think already been put into a graphic novel, but if you were to expand on this, you'd really need to add a lot more to the story. I mean, these chapters can take around 10 minutes of gametime to complete. There should be enough material here to read for around a good half hour at least, this took me 5 minutes. Think of it this way, books like Harry Potter and Lord of the Rings take a few days to read and have around 2 hour movies. There's plenty of stuff in game between what you actually play and the cutscenes to make some nice stories here. Or be creative and write about maybe what would happen after Chief goes into the cryo chamber or before the events of the first Halo. Just some food for thought.
     
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  12. Waylander

    Waylander Ancient
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    My god man.
    You spend way too much time online with people using bad grammer.
    Ok I give up. Too many spelling and grammar mistakes.



     
  13. Frag Man

    Frag Man Ancient
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    From reading the replies, I didn't even look at the story. At first I thought it was spam from the first reply, but now I know it's a story.
     
  14. Ryan. K.

    Ryan. K. Ancient
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    My spelling isn't really THAT bad, this was just a quicky, I'm working on another one so, I'll try being more creative, and check if my spelling is correct.
     
  15. RadiantRain

    RadiantRain Ancient
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    This sir! is no longer a secret...
     
  16. Waylander

    Waylander Ancient
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    Elaborate more as well. Your story was pretty much, "This is coming, oh no! We must escape. Here comes help."

    I also might suggest writing it in first person view from one of the characters other than your lead. Makes things interesting when you don't know what the lead character is thinking. But you have to make sure that the only person whose thoughts we can 'hear' is from the person who is telling the story. Everything else has to be verbal or visual.
     
  17. Ryan. K.

    Ryan. K. Ancient
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    I know! I changed the title but it still says: 'My Official Secret Attempt At Obtaining Recon! (BUNGIE, DON'T GO HERE.)
     
  18. Citizyn Raven

    Citizyn Raven Ancient
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    I think I am going to tell Luke.

    Kill yourself.
     
  19. FirstXboxKid

    FirstXboxKid Ancient
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    Fail

    please, do, go kill yourself. really. this is dumb, and will NOT work! (someone multi quote me, we'll make a chain)
     
  20. Duckyz

    Duckyz Ancient
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    dude u are safe but i cant lie this bad seriously fix up the grammar

    being rude : are you sure your mom can spell? or read?
     

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