My Human Frailty

Hello folks, I've been on Forgehub for quite some time, posting on the shoutbox and chatting it up with everyone. Today, I told a very important story in the shoutbox and I feel it should be said here as well. Humans are a frail creature, they love, they hate, and the feel everything in between.

This is my story, my struggle I face every day, and I'm hoping that if you read it, it will somehow make things better for you in the long run, give you hope.

Lets start from the beginning, I was a young kid growing up, a kid diagnosed with ADHD and a few other things back then when all this seemed fairly new, so no one really knew how to deal with it properly, so by 3rd grade, I'm put in my own classroom with no other students to talk to, and three teachers to teach me throughout the school day, despite these three teachers, it was a very lonely experience.

By grade 6, I'm put into an alternative school with other kids with disorders, some bad, some not so bad, either way, I was put in with them, and for once, I had kids to talk to, but the three years or so of being in a classroom on my own, I was an awkward kid that didn't know how to talk to other kids like me.

Then I met this kid Daniel, really nice kid and we soon became the closest of friends, and during this time, I was figuring myself out and learned I happen to like guys, but didn't know the hardships of being homosexual.

One day, I told Daniel about this, excited about it and thought he would think it was awesome, and he thought it was...or so I though, and mind you, I was 10 during this time, so Daniel asked me over to his house to hang out, and I went over, expecting us to play games and **** on whatever console was out at the time.

When I got there, I found out he had invited a few other friends over, claiming that what I was was an abomination and proceeded to beat on me, as did his friends, "beating the gay out of me" is what they called it, hoping that by the end of it, I'd do right by God or whoever I had offended.

I almost died that die, but I made a choice and lied, saying I was cured so they'd stop beating on me, after that, I went home with cuts and bruises, bleeding.

I learned that day not to really trust people because they'd just hurt me in the end.

Come 8th Grade, I was moved yet again to an alternative school, it was an upgrade that was a small school, but they dealt with more troubled kids such as gang affiliated kids, **** like that.

Here I was, quiet and not really trusting people, and then I get introduced to Xbox Live, oh the good times I had on their, playing so much Halo and a few other games I can't quite remember.

Then I met some other people I'd later call my best friends, we clanned together online for awhile before splitting off from the clan life.

Was with these people for 8 years, and during those 8 years, I met my fiancé over Xbox Live, sweet guy who just loves to make people happy as much as I did.

These friends of mine...they became so close that they were family, we talked about so much and I learned to open up again, and I trusted these guys.

For those 8 years, they taught me to be more confident, vocal about my opinions and never be sorry for them, but these guys would pick on me, whittle me down day after day until I would get tired of it and blow up on them, I'd then be told that it was unacceptable on how I behaved and told me to change, so I did, just for them because they were family, started dating one of my best friends until they cheated on me. The group of friends, or some of them at least, sided with the guy who cheated on me and I was asked to leave the group until I could "calm down"

So I didn't say much to them for 2 weeks because I wanted to change for them, be a better person for my best friends, and then I came back and we all had a blast together, while my anger slowly was building up.

Skip a few years and I finally meet two of my friends in real life, going to California to work with them at a nice little restaurant in a mountain town called Downieville, beautiful town.

One of my friends was struggling to get a job, so I talked to my boss to get her there with us to work with us and it worked, but then my hours were cut and the anger that built up started to add jealousy on top of that, a bad mix.

I said things here and their because they taught me to be honest and vocal, so I was, and soon after my job in California and returning back home to Washington, my family soon started to abandon me because "my attitude was unacceptable"

After the work I did at Downieville, I was asked to take a break from the group again and everyone ignored me, my best friends ignored me and my anger got worse, turned out two of my friends wanted nothing to do with me anymore and had me muted, but the others still talked to me and invited me into a party after not hearing them for a month, I was so god damn happy.

I left the party briefly and wanted to come back, only to be met with a "You can't join" and told that the two people who had me muted (where I couldn't affect them) said they didn't want me back in the party, so I blew up on them finally and was told my attitude was unacceptable.

After that, I had hit the lowest part of my life, and I was 23 years old, I had lost all my friends and I wasn't all that close to my actual family to tell them what had happened.

I almost ended it right then and their, taking sleeping pills to go peacefully in my sleep, but something happened, one of my friends from the group came by online and talked to me, said I meant a lot to them and I stopped myself with going through with it.

This may seem like such a sad story, but this was the life I lived and I became stronger for it, I made better friends and still had contact with 3 of my old group friends, it was a broken family, but it was mine.

I even have a fiancé I'm going to get married with, despite all the **** I went through, I'm still here, still here to post this to you guys to see, I'm not the best with my words, but I'm really hoping this was inspiring, if not, you at least know a bit more about me, either way...

Don't let your struggles bring you down, I promise it'll get better eventually, just keep up a good smile, fake or otherwise, and live.

For me, I love seeing you guys happy, and I know this will be the exact opposite of that, but if you ever feel down, I'll be around to help bring back that smile, even at my own expense.

Just remember that the bad time you're experiencing now, its not forever, it'll leave a nasty scar, but you'll survive it and be better for it.

Anyways, I hope this helps, I may not be here all the time, but just PM me if you just need to vent.

~Verses Fatum

 

I'm glad I did too, and I'm glad I met all you guys on Forgehub