Zion Unknown Hero (Halo Reach Machinima)

Alright, here comes my review. It's a bit in depth, but I guess that's what you guys need. Anything to help. Please don't take any of the criticisms too personally as I'm only trying to help you guys learn and grow.

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PLOT ASPECTS:

• I think at it's very basic, the story was pretty interesting. I wasn't planning to watch the whole thing, but after the first scene, I thought, "Eh, might as well". I think had the first scene been executed a bit better, I would have thought something more like "Wow, okay, I'm watching this". This was due to a few things that I'll cover a bit later in this section and the TECHNICAL ASPECTS section.
• One of my main concerns with this video as a whole was some of the scripting. There were quite a few instances of the dialogue being cheesy or just immature and, for me, it took away from the seriousness of the thing. A few of the jokes were alright, and could have been alright with better acting but some of them just killed the mood for me. To list a few:
  
  "I have some information about...a freak"​
  "And a bunch of other things"​
  "Fine, physical evaluation, but I don't want any of that wire crap​
  It's stuff like that that really kind of ruined parts of it for me. For your next project, I would send the script to some people for editing/suggestions. I'm sure there are plenty of people that wouldn't mind giving feedback
• One of my favorite plot elements were the flashbacks, particularly the one in which he saw Mr. Red guy and the alien fight mission. I think they were really well executed.
• I thought the character development between the doctor and Zion was weak. They only knew each other for a very short time and were supposed to be best friends. I could buy into that, maybe, had the acting and script been a bit better, but I don't think it was strong enough for me to feel that. It's certainly not an easy thing to do, but sometimes the dialogue that was supposed to be 'touching' between them was just slow moving and a bit dull.
• The line "Back to my place was a bit over used"
• I was SO hoping the grenade would blow up on the doctor.
• This is a combination of plot and TECHNICAL ASPECTS, but the battle sequence was by far my favorite part of the entire thing. The angles worked perfectly and it was choreographed well. I thought to myself a few times "Oh ****, helicopters" and "He just used the force on that mongoose". This part was near perfect. Thumbs up.
• I thought the reveal of partnership between the two characters wasn't much of a twist. It was almost cliche, and I'm not sure why there was such resentment on the part of Zion. He's got badass powers n ****, but he's getting mad at the dude. Sure he lost his memory, and he may have been "betrayed", but he is kind of acting a bit bitchy. Grow up and be a kick ass superhuman.
• Final thoughts about the plot, the symbol of the gun after his death was awesome. I wish you had ended on that rather than the doctor walking away. It would have been the perfect last shot. Forreal.
  
  

OVERALL: 6.5/10
It was a pretty decent idea, that I think could have been executed a bit better. Props for being able to script and pull off a 40 minute film, but there were some definite bumps along the way. I hope some of these plot criticisms help you in your next film endeavor.

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TECHNICAL ASPECTS

• My immediate first concern was the quality. It is 720 on youtube, but it's still not great. If you aren't capturing with a HD PVR, or a BMI, I recommend investing in one or getting someone who has one to cap for you. (Side note, I'm selling one if you're interested. Message me if you are)
• The color correction was another huge concern for me. I'm not sure what program(s) you're using, but I would recommend Adobe After Effects for that. A lot of the video was inconsistent. The biggest area was around the 13-16 minute mark. It was SO dark. I could hardly see what was going on, and then immediately after, it was bright yellow. I'm not sure what else to say for this, other than to try and make everything similar, without blowing out specific colors. Neutrality is a good thing when it comes to grading. Subtlety.
• Let's talk about angles. It was a mixed bag. There were some that were outrageously good (ie the battle scene, see above). That scene was near perfect in terms of angles. The zoom shots worked with the fast pace. Other times, however, the angles were almost distracting, which isn't what you want. Too much of the dialogue driven parts had moving close ups, which is both difficult to pull off and you lose focus of what's important. You want to include some wide angle shots and some stationary ones as well. Variety is the spice of film. I'd suggest changing it up a little bit. Also some basic cinematography rules were broken. I saw someone on youtube mention the 180 rule. Definitely try to read up on stuff like that as it will help your production quality tremendously.
• The audio. Also a bit inconsistent. Sorry if it sounds like I'm just ripping on you. That isn't the intention. Some characters were quiet, others good volume. Not many were TOO loud, but the variance caused some problems. Another suggestion I have is looking into audio effects. If the character is supposed to be in a field, and he sounds like he's in a sound booth, that can be an issue. Play around with audio effects like reverb, etc.
  
  On to some positives (YAY):
  
  
• The thermal effect was clever. I wasn't expecting it and it looked pretty good. Not much else to say on this one, it worked.
• The montage of his superhuman abilities was pretty awesome. Even though it is a pretty basic function of reach, it felt like it was out of the ordinary, which you were going for. So good on your for that. I felt like he really had some bizarre powers.
• Again, the action scene was great. I'm not gonna go into more detail, as I covered it up there ^^.
• All of the 'force' powers were awesome. Good use of forging. It felt like he was really using telekinesis.
• The songs were well picked and placed. I think most of the scoring was spot on throughout the video as a whole
  

OVERALL: 5/10
I really recommend you take into consideration some of the suggestions I made. There are little things that apply to the big picture that will help your production quality SO SO much.

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A quick note on acting:

I'm really too lazy to devote another whole section to this, and I really don't have THAT much to say, but some of the acting could use some work. I'm only going to target one or two people. Obviously, we aren't all actors. Hell, I'm not great, so it's important to appreciate the people that are willing to at least try and put themselves out their, but I think coaching could be helpful. Tell your actors what you want out of them, and make sure you KNOW what you want the character to be like. For example, Mr. Red Commander dude, seemed a bit too shy for me. It sounded like he was trying to sound deeper voiced and badass but it came across a bit mumble-y. I see that character as being loud and in charge. He's supposed to COMMAND attention! With exclamation marks!!! I think he should definitely get more into that frame of mind, as opposed to the almost stoic feeling he gave off. One character that I think did a pretty good job, was the green dude trying to get out of jail time/whatever trouble he was in. The scripting for him wasn't AWESOME, but he did the character well. He reminded me a lot of the joker, which I believe was the goal. He definitely gave off a 'slimeball' sort of feel. Make sure you talk to your actors. Be dead on about how they are supposed to act and sound. Not every character needs to be quiet and reserved. If it isn't exactly how you want it, explain to them how to make it better. Work together!

That's all.

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As a whole, I'd say this machinima had potential, but fell a little bit short. It's definitely a great effort and I can appreciate the time and effort all of you put in. I hope I haven't degraded that message with my criticism, but I'm just trying to help you grow. I hope to see another project in the future! I've just finished editing this post, but if you wish to see my stream of conscious thoughts that I wrote as I watched, I'd be happy to edit them back in. I think I covered everything here pretty well though.

Best regards,

Rho