Goodnight, My Sweet Prince [Prose]

Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by Knight Kninja, Feb 4, 2010.

  1. Knight Kninja

    Knight Kninja Ancient
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    Here's a recent work of mine, en memorium of a friend of mine who passed away December 22, in a ski accident. I wrote this from the perspective of his sister, who was his best friend..

    dA Link


    Oh, and heres another start for a story i dreamt up... its more the start for a novel or something. Tell me what you think/how i might expand


    thanks for reading
     
    #1 Knight Kninja, Feb 4, 2010
    Last edited: Feb 23, 2010
  2. Grave Robber

    Grave Robber Ancient
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    ...
    the first one nearly brought me to tears, I can feel moisture in the corners of my eyes.
    Honestly though it felt from "I fell asleep sometime around then..." to "...Some day the tears will leave me, but right now, I don’t care." dragged on a little. To me, the end and the beginning are the most powerful aspects of it. It's where people can feel the most emotion and can feel truely connected, again this is just my opinion. "Then, and every day since. Some day the tears will leave me, but right now, I don’t care." this is an essential sentance though, it's what show's that this is a person with honest feelings.
    Like, if you really wanted to do it and keep the audience attached make it a conversation opposed pure thoughts.

    Perhaps I'm mistaken but those are my opinion's, as for the second one it reminds me of the Time Traveler's Wife.
     
  3. Conkerkid11

    Conkerkid11 Ancient
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    The first one is excellent Knight. I feel so sorry for Rebecca... And now I'm thinking I shouldn't have read that. I don't wanna die this weekend when I go skiing... I think I'm going to stay home now. Good job Knight. You ruined a perfectly fine weekend.

    I haven't tried reading the second one yet. I'm not into seriousness at the moment, I need a laugh or two.
     
  4. Knight Kninja

    Knight Kninja Ancient
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    sorry conker lol..

    and thanks grave, all taken into consideration as you had told me before.

    as for the thing about the time travelers wife, i couldnt say, as i have not read the book nor seen the movie.. i heard it was good though i think i shall once it comes out on DVD
     
  5. Kidbomber

    Kidbomber Ancient
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    Sorry for the random comment, but it is on DVD atm :)

    I bought it so me and amber could watch it, being she saw the trailer and really wanted to see it :p
     
  6. Knight Kninja

    Knight Kninja Ancient
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    oh awesome maybe il watch that tomorrow too.. thanks Kb!
     
  7. just defy

    just defy Ancient
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    and attention span deactivate
     
  8. Conkerkid11

    Conkerkid11 Ancient
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    That's not really that great of a thing to say about something that really happened. Maybe if you had a heart you would have been able to finish the story. XD
     
  9. just defy

    just defy Ancient
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    thats unfair to say considering i dont know what its about.
     
  10. Knight Kninja

    Knight Kninja Ancient
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    thats the point. you are only supposed to know that there is a body found, and then she starts saying this. it makes you curious and want to keep reading.
     
  11. Grave Robber

    Grave Robber Ancient
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    "Here's a recent work of mine, en memorium of a friend of mine who passed away December 22, in a ski accident."

    You didn't even read the first sentence?
     

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