Preface: The following can be construed as common sense, so frankly, if you read whatever essay I write and that's all you come up with (or some message of a similar dickish sort), don't comment at all. Now, for a few years now, I've been finding out through various experiences (through which anecdotes would do no justice) that many "adages" (like "be careful what you wish for") which pervade our western culture have truly been more than mere messages that people say in sarcastic quips about someone else's situation. I've said time and again that these comments must be somewhat true (at least at some point) to be so prevalent in social thought. Today, rather, yesterday, on Christmas, yet another adage came to the forefront of my mind and I saw it's profound meaning. Mind you, and I'm sure those of you reading this well know, I can be a very callous person. I'm not sentimental in the normal regard, words like "I love you" mean little in the outward sense to me, I feel it, but saying it seems trivial to me, though that's a discussion for another day. Anywho, when people ask for hugs, pictures, or even the obligatory return of affection people give, I either ignore them, snidely smile, or grudgingly give in. I would say "it's how I was raised", but as far as I can see, nobody else has been or currently is that way, and rather than delve into my own personality type that explains the matter, I'll leave it at that. All that being said, like a child, for years I hated any gifts of new clothing (I swear I got six sweatshirts one year) or mundane, mediocre objects given out in multitudes to all near. However, as manners dictate, I always said my thank you's and gave the necessary hugs to all. Years. Hated those for years. Once I hit my apathy streak of not giving a damn about anything at all (I literally mean anything short of the basic needs for life) a few years ago, I've not "hated" those gifts, but questioned why one would even bother giving them out. Then today, as I sat on my cousin's couch, the third Christmas party I attended for the holiday, opening up a sweatshirt one size too small and a couple of beverage holders amidst talking relatives and my older cousin and his wife waiting anxiously to see my reaction to their gift (the former), the adage in question flooded my head and a sincere smile came across my face. It's the thought that counts. I realize many of you may not celebrate Christmas, currently fall into my old habit of thinking regarding gifts, or share my new thought on the matter as common sense held since childhood, which is why I gave all that background. Now, why is it this adage is so important. The mere idea of someone going out and thinking "oh what should I get him" or "ah I've gotten everyone else a present but him" is extremely humbling. I took it for granted all these years, always thinking myself a gracious person but never truly knowing what it meant. Someone actually thought of me whilst going about their day, and it had such a profound effect that they went out to get me a gift, thinking it would aid me or make me happy in some way. They cared enough about me, a person who has never bought them a gift, and for all intents and purposes may be playing a part. Furthermore, even a simple throwaway gift, something everyone in attendance receives, something that isn't personalized at all, such as a candy cane or those beverage holders, those too show care. Someone thought enough to get something to pass out to people they care about, even if it was an after thought, it is a thought nonetheless. People have little time to do things, and even those with too much rarely think "he deserves something" and would rather occupy themselves with something else, yet for some reason would think to have just enough of something to provide for others. Anyways, I'm not sure what I set out to accomplish with this message, perhaps you'll find it enlightening in your personal life or you'll disregard it altogether like I have done for years. Either way, Happy Holidays. -Sarge
Hmm, interesting, i really hadn't seriously thought of it that way. This may bring a new outlook on a couple of the things I received this year. Thanks for writing this.
I'd like to apologize beforehand for any poor spelling/grammar and poorly worded sentences/thoughts. It is 3:30am, and I was intended to go to bed until I happened across this nice little essay and felt immediately obligated to chip in my two cents. As a result, my writing will probably reflect my exhaustion. Well, I'll start by saying that the adage is no stranger to my knowledge of phrases, since I've gone through many a year hearing it repeated by my parents. However, while I understood the concept, I never appreciated it, for while I knew the phrase, I knew nothing of the reasoning. That was, until 7th grade, the year I began questioning all I had been taught. No, not academics, but life lessons that go beyond the black board. I've always been a selfless person when it comes to the art of gift giving/receiving. I'd ask for little, and gave a lot. For example, last year I got my brothers and Xbox 360 from money I had saved working a summer job. One could argue that such an example is somewhat counter-supportive to the adage "It's the thought that counts", since such a "generous present" could be viewed as merely an obligation wrapped in wads of cash. However, I believe quite the contrary. If anything, I believe that the very fact that I invested so much into my gift contributes to its sincerity. It was anything but money easily spent, and yet I indulged with little dissonance. No, I did not measure my gift in its weight in gold, but in its weight in personal value. My brothers wanted little more than an Xbox 360 since I had received mine, and so I logically found it to be the appropriate gift to give. Now, would another person have known about their desire? Possibly, though there are just as many people who are likely to not have. Take a relative, a cousin for example. Not knowing my brothers, he would most likely not invest in an Xbox 360 for their gift, simply because he doesn't know them well enough. This isn't a detriment, his candy cane is a perfectly acceptable gift, for he did think about their existence at the moment. However, beyond this festive time, he has few thoughts about their well-being and current situation. This is no fault of the cousin by any degree, since more immediate family (father, mother, etc.) commands a bit more conscious care than cousins would. No, it simply separates my gift from his in a value other than national currency. You see, while my Xbox 360 and his candy cane both abide by the adage "It's the thought that counts", mine satisfies a different state. Constant thought. For, as I explained already, my gift was selected for my brothers based on how well I knew them. Meanwhile, the cousin chose a gift and remained perfectly content with the fact that he knew nothing of them [my brothers]. Which brings me to the point that inspired me to write this bit of discourse: people who give gifts based on knowledge they do not have of the recipient. We all know these people, whether you realize it now or not. They're the ones that give you that band t-shirt (who you don't even like) because they had heard them on your radio once before, and assumed you liked them. No. Knew you liked them. Oh, it doesn't end there. You see, after you give them your biggest smile and warmest hug, after you put the t-shirt on for added effect, they still aren't convinced that you're appreciative. Why?- because there is that little voice in the back of their mind that reminds them that they chose a personal gift for someone they know little about, and as a result, led them to chose wrong. However, the only bit that they consciously comprehend is that you aren't satisfied with their investment. Next thing you know, the joy that either party should be feeling is jeopardized, and they're opting to take the gift back. That's why I feel like the meaning behind this particular adage isn't so much unacknowledged as it is misunderstood. It is the thought that counts, and you don't need to pick and chose personal gifts to show that you truly care. If anything, people need to learn how to use judgement. Are you in the position where you should know a person well enough that a more personal present is expected? If so, great, and if not, don't bother pretending that you are, because then it's not just the thought that counts, it's that very thought that destroys the integrity of the gift.
I was going to blog about a realization I've had, but I'll later add it here for safekeeping. I also become irksome whenever a family moment arises. I'm just as much a social recluse and outcast as I feel intellectually dumbfounded to be around most people. I've come to the realization that most people operate from their emotions, yet it isn't as technical as it sounds. It's hard to comprehend one's own mind let alone another's. So, lately I've been trying to understand what goes on through other people's minds. It's fascinating. All this time I've thought I've been operating at a 'higher' level and one sense I do, but I also see where another person's abilities to go out on a whim are most remarkable. More later.
I like giving gifts and I do personalize them and even make some to show that I put effort into getting something they may use or be happy in recieving. I like happy people and if I can find something they like that I can supply to them than I do just that. Its like I don't have to get gifts for people but if I know that want something badly enough I will get them it. I think it takes some amount of thought to think of others and to get them appropriate gifts. People can be poor gift givers if they do not know the person well enough to get them what they want. Its nice to know that someone is thinking about you and I agree with you on that. Thats a gift in itself to tell someone that you are thinking of them its nice to know and to have it reassured every now and again.