A scary short story I had to write for my langauge arts class. Thought I'd share it with you guys. (Sorry the text is balck I don't know what gives). Keep in mind, it has to be "school appropriate" aka no blood, no gore, no scary things, etc. Don't be a **** and plagiarize. Thanks. “Jake, can you do me a favor?” Jake’s mom called from the kitchen. “What?” He called back from his spot on the living room couch. “Pick your little brother up from the carnival,” she answered. “Do I have to?” he whined. “Yes,” his mother demanded as he trudged down the stairs, “I told him I would pick him up at 6:00 and it’s already 5:56.” “And tie your shoes,” she added. “No, cool kids don’t tie their shoes.” Jake said slyly. “You kids,” his mother chuckled “always trying to impress each other with these ridiculous fads.” SLAM! He was out the door before his mother finished her sentence. The sky was beginning to fall dark, and Jake’s walk turned into a slight jog. ‘Cypress Carnival & Circus’ read the large sign at the entrance of the once-a-year traveling carnival. Jake looked at his watch. 6:04. Where was his little brother? Jake looked around. “Brian?” he called into the darkness, “Time to go home, buddy!” But, Brian was nowhere in sight. Where could he even go? Jake thought to himself, He’s seven years old and came here with his friend and his friend’s father. He slowly inched towards the eerie, iron gate at the entrance. He could smell carnival popcorn through the iron pattern on the gate. He jiggled the gate a few times, saw that it was not open and quietly stepped in. The gravel road crunched with every step he took. He could barely see the carnival booths and rides, for the only light came from dimly lit lampposts lining the path. A rat scurried across his path. The whole circus had as many rats as a sewer. Jake walked for what seemed like an eternity, when he suddenly began to hear faint carnival music from a distance. The music was not fun and exciting like regular circus music, but rather dull and dreary. He jogged forward, to find the music was coming from a hulking red and white striped circus tent. He slowly peeled away part of the curtain to the tent, along with a few cobwebs. The tent was empty as well. The wonderful popcorn smell soon turned to a stuffy, musky smell. Jake could see a glimmer of light from under a backstage door. He followed the flickering light and shakily opened the door. He stepped inside and nearly had a heart-attack when he saw a man in a yellow clown suit facing the opposite wall. “H-hello?” he managed to stutter, frightened. The clown turned around, a blood-soaked knife in his hand, smiling menacingly at Jake. Scared, he screamed, and quickly dashed to the door. He broke into a cold sweat as he sprinted out of the tent and back into the endless rows of rides and games. When he began to see the entrance his shoelace became caught underneath his shoe. If only he had listened to his mother. ^ You may be wondering, "wtf teh 3dning r teh g4ynes" but I didn't want it to be like everyone else's "They got away at the last second!" or "He woke up and it was all just a dream!" endings, and thought I'd leave it as a cliff-hanger ending so the reader can come up with whatever scenario they wanted...(he dies).
Pfft, Nevermind, was looking when he's calling to his little brother. Looks like I am the one who needs sleep =S
I would inform you on how this is a cool story, bro. However, I have much more important things to attend to. Perhaps a thumbs up will suffice? *Thumbs up*
I think it means that, since it wasn't open as in, the door being closed (not being a smartass, the door is apparently not locked so its just closed) and he quietly stepped in after opening the door. Am I correct? Otherwise, nice Moral Story ^^ I enjoyed reading it.
Kind of boring and doesn't really have any suspense... There are man things in life that can be described as jiggling but the movement of a gate is not one. Perhaps you could of added more drama into the gate rather then using a word that I would use for non horror stories. Maybe it rattled? Maybe the gate was rusty? Maybe it gave off an odd shadow? Maybe it's not important? Maybe you could've barely mentioned it? For example, going through the gate, Jake noticed that that the carnival was eerily dark. Darkness doesn't fall on the sky. Maybe don't mention that it's dark directly, maybe say that the full moon shone brightly in the clear sky. Is such a pattern possible? Are you trying to say that it's an iron gate? Overall, rather predictable, not all that scary and seems rather short... BTW, how old is Jake? He sounds 10-ish. Sorry if I sound rather harsh.
I have to say the word choice was rather bland... Scary stories usually have very descriptive language to set the mood. I would consider revising it to add a more erie feel to the story. It's good, but overall it could use some editing.