A thread for my work

Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by SargeantSarcasm, Aug 21, 2009.

  1. SargeantSarcasm

    SargeantSarcasm In Loving Memory
    Senior Member

    Messages:
    7,783
    Likes Received:
    1
    I'm a writer. In terms of creative content, I tend to do better when working with visual effects (such as machinima, movies, etc) but that hasn't stopped me from writing prose and poetry when inspiration hit. So I'll update this from time to time with my stuff. Not necessarily a place for critiques or anything (though you guys can flame the work, keyword: WORK, as much as your heart desires without being a ****) just to keep it collected in a place where I can check it down the line easily.

    So I start with a poem I'm rather proud of since my other work needs refining. Rusty understood the context rather quickly, see if you can too : P

    Untitled- Essias Loberg

    Fie, Fie! The sigh is nigh!
    It comes and it goes as it wants.
    Why, why, must I abide
    by a truant, little thought?

    The Game- Essias Loberg

    I stand atop an overlook,
    looking down below,
    watching all the busy people,
    running to and fro.

    What then, a wind does appear,
    imagine my surprise,
    feeling a hot air,
    coming from the skies.

    The breeze, a tease, blowing warmth,
    no one seems to care,
    still they saunter through the path,
    and all I do is stare.

    They soldier on, feelings gone,
    mindless as can be,
    getting to their business
    whilst I stand and see.

    Soon the night approaches,
    they seek immortality,
    to drudge through their daily lives
    of triviality.

    All content contained or linked within this post is the property of Essias Loberg.
     
    #1 SargeantSarcasm, Aug 21, 2009
    Last edited: Sep 5, 2009
  2. Mace

    Mace Old Tyme
    Senior Member

    Messages:
    3,445
    Likes Received:
    4
    Good poem. Reminds me of the fact that I've got to write a 80 line poem for english due monday...
     
  3. Hari

    Hari Ancient
    Senior Member

    Messages:
    3,057
    Likes Received:
    2
    Its k my name is more uncommon ;)

    ive never really been a fan of old english....fie...fie...i find it hard to understand. Hell, i dont even know what fie means....
     
  4. InnerSandman13

    InnerSandman13 Ancient
    Senior Member

    Messages:
    237
    Likes Received:
    0
    Untitled- Essias Loberg

    Fie, Fie! The sigh is nigh!
    It comes and it goes as it wants.
    Why, why, must I abide
    by a truant, little thought?

    Let's start with the first line. Okay fie means something along the lines of annoyance. The first line means you are annoyed by something. The 2nd line means that the annoyance comes and goes. The 3rd lines means that why do you have to obey? or stay. The 4th line means something about someone who neglects their duties.

    Answer: You are annoyed by someone but not all the time. You have to stay by this person who ignores their duty/chore/job. Can I guess sibling?
     
  5. R0FLninja

    R0FLninja Ancient
    Senior Member

    Messages:
    1,269
    Likes Received:
    0
    no, us silly forgehubbers who **** around in OT.
     
  6. SargeantSarcasm

    SargeantSarcasm In Loving Memory
    Senior Member

    Messages:
    7,783
    Likes Received:
    1
    Your analysis is correct for the most part, but the end result isn't, though I spose art is open to interpretation, so if that's what you got out of it, can't say otherwise heh.

    The way I wrote it is about the annoying triviality of depression, though a type brought on by a specific and (if seen objectively) trivial reason.

    final ****ing warning.
    stay the **** out of this thread because you apparently don't know how to stop being a dumbass, you've spammed here enough. another comment that doesnt completely relate to the thread gets your ass infracted.
     
  7. alienman911

    alienman911 Ancient
    Senior Member

    Messages:
    856
    Likes Received:
    0
    lol why are you in school
     
  8. SargeantSarcasm

    SargeantSarcasm In Loving Memory
    Senior Member

    Messages:
    7,783
    Likes Received:
    1
    updated with a poem about an experience i had people watching today at he USC football game...extended metaphor.
     
  9. Whisper

    Whisper Ancient
    Senior Member

    Messages:
    3,125
    Likes Received:
    0
    Do they seek immortality in order to drudge through their daily lives or is the drudgery the immortality?
     
  10. Katanga

    Katanga Ancient
    Senior Member

    Messages:
    1,090
    Likes Received:
    91
    Very nice metaphor. I wish I could understand it more, but I think I can grasp the meaning loosely. Good job on the rhyming pattern, especially using less commonly used words within the pattern.

    In related news, your title made me lose the game.
     
  11. SargeantSarcasm

    SargeantSarcasm In Loving Memory
    Senior Member

    Messages:
    7,783
    Likes Received:
    1
    Well, literature in general is meant for interpretation, so whatever you assume is what you got out of it. I wrote this with a clear goal in mind but that doesn't mean any other is invalid, furthermore there are some parts I purposely left open. Which is why I think Katanga didn't quite grasp the metaphor.

    Basically, I was at a football game when I noticed this, everything in there that you can take literally, happened (i.e. me standing on something overlooking everyone, the people rushing everywhere). But I figured itd be a nice little metaphor for life in general since its a sort of microcosm representing everyone. They're all rushing around to get ahead of everyone else (in line), which is just as trivial as everyone rushing around to get ahead of others when we all die anyway.

    Btw, the title was meant to convey the basis of the metaphor, which was a crowd at a football game being the mass populace in life. However, I certainly thought of the /b/ meme when I wrote the title out. heh.

    And thanks
     

Share This Page