I have a time-travel story I've been working on for months (well, thinking about) that I will be sending to the New Yorker sometime next week. Unlike most of the stuff I need critique on, this will not be directly posted in the thread, as I'm unsure what their publication policies are, and would rather not chance rejection considering it's already very hard to get in anyway. It is very short (5 or so pages once I edit it tomorrow) and features heavy comedic wordplay. Summary:A man addresses an unknown audience about the state of his world following a temporal pandemic caused by selling time-travel technology as cheaply as any other gadget. What ensues is a general history of the absurdities plaguing his world as he tries to make sense of it despite being just as hypocritical, arrogant and ignorant as the men he criticizes in his diatribe. It's a pretty loose interpretation of sci-fi as it's mainly a vehicle for comedy, though there are some pretty dense (read: silly) sections. I wrote it in a layered fashion where the same sentence makes sense at first glance, is completely nonsensical if you really look at it, and even further down runs on its own sense of logic that might make sense in an alternate universe. I mainly need readers in order to see if it is as understandable as those who have read it thus far have made it out to be, because I want to make sure it is fairly easy to read. Though general critique/commentary is fine, of course. If you want to read it, post your email here, or if you'd rather keep that secret VM me to that effect and we'll figure something out (skype, dropbox, etc). Thanks. FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO ARE READING THE STORY, DO NOT MENTION SPECIFIC LINES, NOR STATE THE TITLE, OTHERWISE IT MAY VOID MY SUBMISSION.
Whatever you do do not post it in the thread! Most major publications such as the New yorker won't even consider it when it comes up on search results, they will simply send their default rejection email/letter. Source: personal experience. What I do when I need critique is email, like what you've done here (email me at packeranatic@gmail.com for some commentary, the story sounds interesting) or I use this site: Critique Circle Online Writing Workshop It blocks search results and though many of the members are inexperienced authors, a lot of the people there will offer some insightful critique. Also, I can recommend other publications that pay for sci-fi material besides the New Yorker (I'm not familiar with their material unfortunately).
Alright sending em out now with the very blunt copyright statement lol. Comments can be here or via email, whatever's cool.
All I did was read it when I got home (it was 3 a.m.). It's interesting. I do enjoy the word play a lot, very unique. One thing I like, but don't understand all of are the little footnotes. Those are intriguing because they give the story a different, I'm not really sure what, an insight into the personality of the narrator I guess would be the best way to describe it. I'll post some more feedback when I actually sit down and re-read it in-depth not just plow through it when I'm tired. But so far it's decent.
Was going to PM you my email, but apparently your inbox is "exceeded". Let me know when you clear some room and Ill shoot you a PM. Please.
Done. Initially, the footnotes were meant to be used for world-building, that is, expanding the entire mythos of his screwed up place by citing specific differences in history compared to ours, hence the title of the piece. As the narrative took shape, and I started putting specific events into the story proper (such as the pirate invasion) it evolved into more precise wordplay (as opposed to vague mentions that can unintentionally be ignored). Thus, you know the guy is getting at something there, because he's calling attention to it, but it is a footnote so whether or not it's important or crucial to your understanding of the overall piece is unimportant (to the speaker). As you said, it's really just a look into how his mind works (as most of the footnotes have to deal with puns or allusions based on shaky connections, but they are there and thankfully, from what I've been told, they don't require my head to catch them). One of my readers suggested that I remove the letter aspect of the story because footnotes are rarely used in such mediums, and that it brought confusion as to the purpose of the whole note system as a result. Consequently, I'm strongly considering just making it straight prose as opposed to a letter format. FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO ARE READING THE STORY, DO NOT MENTION SPECIFIC LINES, NOR STATE THE TITLE, OTHERWISE IT MAY VOID MY SUBMISSION.
Interesting read. I like the fact that the author casually describes the odd events happening in his timeline in an off-hand, casual fashion. To me, it seems that most of the footnotes are soliloquies and stream of consciousness thoughts, put in as intended afterthoughts by the author to allude to the fact that he keeps forgetting that he may be addressing an audience who has no experience with the technology plaguing his time. Personally, I liked the footnotes, and they helped sell the entire story more plausibly. I wouldnt tell you to not remove them if you thought they were getting in the way of making the story better, as its your story. But I thought they contributed to it, rounding it out. Take this information as you will. On another note, I liked the pirate section. You probably get that a lot, as its the easiest part of the whole story to understand, but I thought it was well written and humourous. I had to re-read a few parts, mainly because my missus has the TV blaring next to me and my concentration is being interrupted, but it is understandable. Most of the time. It gets a little verbose occasionally, but I think this is to portray the authors (in the story ) arrogance. Again, this is where the footnotes help. I do not know the ilk of the usual New Yorker submissions, as I dont live anywhere near NY, NY, but I understand that the verbosity was indeed intended, possibly to make your story stand out above the others. And, given that Ive conversed with you in the Chatbox, I know you know your **** when it comes to time travel, physics and all that other stuff, so if the ideas in this story were asked to be expanded upon, you could present them entirely credibly, and with gusto! All in all, this was a good read, and I cant really see anything that needs to be changed or improved. I wish you luck getting it published, and I hope my critiquing* helped. *the term "critiquing" is implied, but may or may not be entirely contextually appropriate
Sent. Yeah, overall it's pretty dense (which was intended for story/character development purposes as you noted) and in the past was a part of my writing style as opposed to actual need. It being too dense to understand is probably my main concern at the moment, but save a giant rewrite I think I'd try my hand at sending it in anyway. It seems to not be needing a massive edit, thus far, so that's good. Thanks dude.
Lazarus.talon@gmail.com shoot it at me, I'll give you what critique I can as the novice writer/artist I am. The premise that I presume this is based on sounds good though. EDIT: Rather nice, it seems to have a similar style to that of The Hitchhikers Guide to the galaxy. All in all, i liked it a bit, and to my surprise gave me more than a few chuckles which is rare with today's writing. Good job. I think, given some work, you may be able to turn this into an actual book. Maybe.
Thanks. I've never actually read any Hitchhiker's (don't read much anyway) but I've heard the comparison in regards to the style. I really thought about there being potential for a book but I really couldn't see it under the same format (and I really wanted to do something with footnotes and wordplay). I may revisit the same mythos eventually in later work (if publishing via the New Yorker allows for derivative works, which I'm sure it does if it's vaguely connected) but I doubt it'll resemble the same style. I do have an idea for a novel that might be similar in tone, but I'm uncertain if that's exactly how I want to convey the humor. That concept was actually based on a short story I started but I realized it could be expanded, and as it is now the protagonist is a straight man in a comedic, absurd reality (so he isn't personally humorous) but the narrator might be the same character as the one in this story since there's a ton of interplay between the core mythos of both story worlds (the novel relies on the idea that wishes could warp reality to one's whims). Still brainstorming. If I get into the New Yorker though, I'll probably devote all my time to writing since it'd essentially be evidence that there's an audience out there for my work.
With no direct reference to anything or anyone I take it this was directed at me. If it was, no worries. If it wasnt, well... *wipes egg off face*
Good, then my assumptions were founded. Apart from the density, what are your other concerns? If they require mentioning specific lines or sections, feel free to email me or something, as Id be glad to help (if possible).