It's how I came to love my wife. I would catch myself thinking of her, not consciously, it mostly all subconscious, and without realizing it I'd favor her. When she was out of school or took a semester off I'd feel really sad and not know why. She wasn't what you'd consider totally hot. However, in no way was she unattractive. It had nothing to do with physical attraction, I didn't even realize until I'd loved her the first two years of college. That's what I've come to think of as romantic love. Now, my little brother, who is fifteen, came to me confessing he feels this way about one of his best friends. He described it exactly as I described falling in love with my wife. My first thought was "he's fifteen, it's hormones." Then I realize What I said two sentences ago, and thought "Holy ****." Some of you, Nitrous especially may be familiar with him through the debate forum. But uhm, yeh. Where better to get anonymous advice than the internet? How do I respond? My wife and I are both afraid to say anything about how it relates to me falling in love with her or vice versa. He's fifteen. I mean sure, he's like 30 times more mature than anyone his age, but God, fifteen?
Just tell him to be careful and it's to early for him to get in to deep. He should try to be with her if he likes her but at 15 he shouldn't expect her to be as enamoured as he is. (Though I know a girl at school who is engaged to her boyfriend she has had since the 7th grade!)
My advice, lacking many layers of context, would be to give him calm, moderating advice should he ask for it directly. Otherwise let him make his own way.
Oh, he's completely capable of making his own way. I'm sort of jealous of his abilities with the female gender. In kindergarten, he got a girlfriend, who, if I were five, would be hot. He kept her until seventh grade, when she moved away. Two weeks later he got another girlfriend whom he managed to keep until Christmas of this year, when he broke up with her. It's insane. When he gets a girl, he's usually serious about it. Really serious. If he gets his best friend now, he may have her until he dies. Therefore, I don't want to discourage him, or make him feel that his "love" is not genuine, but nor do I want to say it is. And this is the question he has asked me. I said I'd think about it.
Nitrous doesn't do love. Nitrous survives on the blood of unwed virgins. But really, what's the problem? He's in love? So what, he's fifteen it doesn't matter how genuine it is. If he does have her 'til he dies and their both happy whats the problem? I really don't see why you need advice, unless I'm misreading something.
I met my long time girlfriend and started dating her at 16. Im 24 now, so it can work out. Just depends on how strongly she feels back.
Cold showers. Many, many cold showers. But seriously, let him manage his own relationships. If he asks you for advice then you should give it to him. High school is an important time in experimenting relationships and it could be beneficial if he's making decisions like this early on. Just don't let him go around getting people pregnant, ya know?
Through the complicated structure of the family I am no longer immediately part of (Thank God), if I tell him I think it is genuine, (Which is what I think) I'll get my brother in a shitload of trouble. If I say it is not genuine, I could have ruined a potentially happy, healthy marriage. And he knows me well enough to see that if I say I don't know, I'm bullshitting him. Well, I've decided, with the consent of Sam (My wife) to tell him option A: I think it's genuine. Mainly because I think the long term benefits would outweigh my brother having to deal with our parents, and also because my wife will be pissed if I tell him it isn't, when she knows that's how I love her. . . But anyway, thanks for taking the time out of your day to respond. Also, deleting this thread would be super awesome, for anyone who has the administration power to do that.
That's a little unreasonable, but anyway. From the perspective of someone who is nearly the same age, I would have to say it most likely isn't genuine. Personally, I feel like I don't know what romantic love is. If you look around, you'll see people my age in horrible relationships. They have absolutely no idea what they are doing; we are all simply too immature. How many times have I seen random hook-ups and constant cheating? I know adults do this, but not nearly to the degree of teenagers. I honestly don't think someone at my age could understand. A boy I know says he loves a girl, his girlfriend. She says she loves him too. They are at a party. She leaves before he does. This is his mentality: she's gone, next girl. Later, he ****s some random girl. His girlfriend then lets everyone on facebook know how she hates him. Later, she misses him. These kids have no idea what they are doing. Despite all of my negative attitude toward this, I'd say go for it. No doubt. It's worth a shot. As long as there's a chance, take it.
You say you are fifteen, or . I remember thinking the same thing you thought, and I can tell you that mentally most people go through a drastic change from teenager to adult, however, that isn't all, and certainly not less than the amount of undeveloped mentally in teenage years. Some people are just as mature as teenagers as they'll ever be, my brother is that type of person, and unless you are regurgitating what someone else has told you, you seem to be more or less like him in that respect. Those mature people are fully capable of building a constant dopamine release (physically they are capable of this, if they are capable of the adult thought processes, because those abilities of the brain develop in a parallel). Then the people you mentioned, that would be an unstable, short term flood of estrogen/testosterone. As for Nitrous, it's not as it sounds, they don't not trust him because of something he did, they don't trust him because of something I did. Also Nitrous, for those websites you design, I'd look into learning Actionscript (2.0 > 3.0 in my opinion).
I was just talking in general. I don't know your brother, but I'll take your word. If he is mature enough, he's mature enough.
The only problem I can see happening is that he wants to get married/have kids too young but seeing as hes so mature, theres not much chance of that happening right? I wouldn't worry too much about it really, let him enjoy himself.
I started dating at around 15, lost my virginity then to my first girlfriend also. We were mature about it and everything. Our relationship lasted for two year. I'm guessing it depends on how mature the two people are. If your brother is mature like how I was, then it shouldn't be a problem, as long as the girl is also mature about it. The only thing I can see happening is if or when he asks, she says no, that would be depressing. Unless he knows she has the same feelings for him as well. Anyways, I would say go for it, some teenagers today are mature enough to handle that kind of responsibility and whatnot, I practically started living on my own when I was 13. I wish you luck and him too.
What? Erm, status update. He got the girl. . . of course. They are on a date as we speak. Public transportation?